Week 9 Wudder Sports Cartoons & Cereal: Corn Flakes, Quick Hits & Hot Takes
Happy Saturday, Everybody!
Before we start with the Wudder Sports, let's get this thing rolling with a roller-skating jam...
The Sixers have won Fo out of their last Fo, shoutout to Big Moe.
They stand at Five and Fo, their first time over .500 in Fo years.
Don’t look now, but the process is paying dividends.
They even seem to be learning how to finish games, after that Houston debacle last week, which may have been this nucleus’ nadir.
And Ben Simmons looks so good that my DC homie and fellow Sixer devotee TG hit me up with the following text exchange earlier this week:
TG: Has anyone ever won MVP in their rookie year?
Bomb: Hmm…I know Magic won MVP of the Finals as a rookie, but Doc won the regular season MVP that year. The only person I know that’s done it is Wilt.
TG: Of course the answer’s Wilt. The answer is always Wilt.
Seriously tho, this kid is 20 years old, secretly seven-feet tall, figuring out how to improve his shot in the context of competitive NBA games, and save for a freak play on Wednesday, would have already passed Oscar Robertson for the league record for triple-doubles in his first 10 games after playing 9.
Simmons & Embiid make the Sixers already more enticing than any Sixers team since the salad days of The Answer. And providing health, with more upside.
Friday night featured the game we’ve been waiting for from JJ Redick.
It also featured the season debut of Richaun Holmes, whose play will hopefully lead to Amir Johnson spending more time on the bench.
Speaking of the bench, at this point Colangelos, just let Okafor go.
We wouldn’t be able to trade this kid for a bag of dildos.
Just accept the sunk cost, release him and cut the loss.
It’s better for literally all parties involved at this point.
I don’t wanna hear that he’s insurance for Embiid.
No such thing exists.
And you’ve already seen what happened the one game you swapped these two out, the result was the only game all season that they had no shot to win.
*I’m not a hater.
*Well, wait, when it comes to Bill Belasterisk and Tom Brady’s Patriots, I guess I kinda am since Spygate…but there is a begrudging respect.
I also would never wish injury on anybody, particularly in this blood sport we watch every weekend called the NFL, where you can go from thinking DeShawn Watson is potentially one of the next great young QB’s to watch, along with Philadelphia and North Dakota’s own Carson Wentz, to wondering whether he’ll ever be the same and needing to wait at least ten months to start finding out.
But Tom Brady is out of control lately.
First it was him talking greasy about GODgers, after getting injured because he doesn't know how to fall when tackled, like Tom Terrific does.
It’s almost as if Brady didn’t realize the refs have protected him different for the past ten years, or that he doesn’t risk that hit because he’s not a QB who can run.
But then came his recent press junket, plugging his new pyramid scheme supplement program, carrying on about how he’s playing until he’s 50, hyping his sheisty ‘nutritionist’ who’s already been sued for claiming he created vitamins that cured cancer, while going on and on about how his special form of stretching makes him immune to being injured.
Now I kinda wanna see Von Miller fold his frame into an accordion next week, just for comedy’s sake. Maybe all this spicy talk from Tommy Boy is why Gisele was speaking publicly about all his non-diagnosed concussions over the off-season.
John Wall: The Cavs are scared of us.
LeBron: Hold this, bruh.
Papa John keeps popping off.
Dude's got some nerve trying to pin his declining pizza sales on the NFL.
Papa needs to be worried about his awful tomato-paste-and-sugar sauce, or finding a new partner for his painfully awkward TV ad spots, now that Peyton’s neck is no longer bobbing around, audibling at the line, while tossing lawn darts on a football field these days.
I thought about boycotting Papa John’s, but quickly realized I’ve already been doing that for more than a decade..
We'll leave you on this Saturday morning with some picks and one of our favorite Kendrick Lamar cuts, "Cartoons & Cereal", which criminally was never officially released due to sampling-clearance issues. This is a fan-made, rather than official, video. But it's still pretty official.
Week 9 Picks:
NORTH CAROLINA STATE (+9.5) over Clemson
USC (-6) over Arizona
MICHIGAN STATE (+10) over Penn State
Denver (+8.5) over PHILADELPHIA
CAROLINA (-1.5) over Atlanta
Indianapolis (+13) over HOUSTON
Nostrabombus Season Record: 15 Wins, 12 Losses