#WudderSports Presents Bird Droppings Volume 1: The Carson When?!? Era
Alright, we’re ready for another football season in Philadelphia, so let’s start off with some basics before we get to last night’s mundane event at the Linc…
The Eagles had three approaches they could have taken to address their quarterback situation this offseason:
a) Pay a painfully average QB Sam Bradford as if he was an elite one.
b) Wildly overspend on a backup QB that their former unaccomplished-career-backup-QB/Eagles-’99-Placeholder-Starter-QB/2016-Head-Coach liked.
c) Mortgage a Brinks Truck full of the Birds’ Future Assets for one of the first two QB lottery balls in this year’s draft. Never mind that neither of them would have been drafted #1 and #2 in any other draft in this decade so far.
Which path did the Eagles choose?
Somehow, All Of The Above.
So we the Philadelphia Eagles suddenly have the highest-paid quarterback room in the NFL, going into a year where we clearly aren’t contending for anything.
And we still don’t know if any one of them is actually the answer at quarterback.
Or whether our new Head Coach will know what to do, even if by chance we do.
Gold Standard Logic There.
That’s what you get when you have a silver-spooner owner who bought the Birds with money his daddy gave him for producing V.I. Warshawski.
In case you were wondering what that is, it’s the flick that ended Kathleen Turner’s career.
That is until she made a comeback by playing a man on ‘Friends’, which then led to her run as the scary oversexed hellcat boss on ‘Californication’.
The adolescent me, who grew up struggling to see her in Body Heat thru the squiggly lines of the cable box because my Pop wouldn’t spring for Prism, wept.
25 years after VI Warshawski tanked…the team Lurie bought, along with the fans who felt a wave of relief when he did because it meant Norman Braman was gone, are still romancing the stone that sits atop those rings we’ve yet to see.
But enough about all that old (yet still ongoing) stuff with the Eagle organization.
Eagles fans are many things, tough certainly among them.
So last night was kinda, sorta the first football game of the 2016 season.
This was an Eagle summer that has lacked for any of the usual levels of preseason intrigue, buzz or prime-time soap/reality-show/must-see-TV vibe; things that existed in Philly during each off-season of Chip Kelly’s tenure and in the last twelve preseasons Andy Reid had here.
Maybe that’s a good thing.
Was this preseason the wudder of our new beginnings, with a stream leading us toward our first Eagles’ Super Bowl title, something that for the past 55 years this town has sought?
But Probably Not.
Is that gonna stop the thirstiest, most dedicated pro football town in America from packing the Linc to see things like practice or last night’s practice game?
If you think so for a second, you don’t know us very well.
So let’s skip all the formalities, pre-draft pseudo-scouting, flame-fanning media-driven fake controversies.
Let's get it on like Mills Lane and Marvin Gaye used to say.
Here’s the Bird Droppings about what went down at Lincoln Financial Field during last night’s Birds/Bucs’ game, on an absolutely steaming hot Thursday evening.
11 Things #WudderSports Took Away From Last Night’s Contest:
1) Eagles’ parking lot prices outside a mandatory sell-out stadium since they force season-ticket-holders to buy two glorified scrimmages? $40-60 dollars…
The Gold Mine Standard.
Thanks Again, Jeffy!
2) From Hoagiegate to Preseason Price-Gouging Hogwash…
The Jeffy Lurie Era Celebrates 22 Years of Not Getting It,
Not Getting Us A Trophy,
Getting Over Like A Fat Rat Off The Undying Love We Have For Our Birds.
We are classic enablers, we can’t help it if we wanted to, much like the afro'd-version of Michael Jackson in '79.
There’s no putting that toothpaste back in the tube.
3) Early August, especially this summer, is way too early and way too hot for football.
Felt this way during double-sessions in my sole year of high school football at 14, now feel that way just sitting outside watching others play football at 40.
4) Not since 1987’s “The Return of Jaws” preseason game at the Vet versus the Miami Dolphins (which my uncle was kind enough to take 11-year-old me to go see) have I seen more Eagle fans showing up strictly for the later stages of a preseason football game.
4) I enjoyed this Bucs/Birds game live in Philly far more than the last two.
Of course, those two were the last game at The Vet and the first game at The Linc. Let’s just keep it moving rather than dwell on either of them. This was better…..and would have been even if they had lost by an 84-0 score.
5) Eagle fans, despite many words to the contrary, are not stupid.
We knew there was one thing wanted and/or needed to see here. So we were gonna show up in our seats about the same time he got under center and we were gonna be heading for the exits as soon as that wrapped up. That relatively crucial appearance started in the final two minutes of the first half right here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CITiSi36vcA and subsequently ended early in the fourth quarter after an Eagle ‘drive’ that started off a Bucs’ turnover end of the field stalled out around the 20 due to mostly bad protection and ‘business decisions’.
7) Speaking of business decisions, that Brent Celek drop was a true ‘For Who, For What?’ play.
And I’m not really mad at him. Wait for the games that matter before serving up your head to a middle linebacker or free safety on a platter.
8) While these games really don’t mean much to vets like Celek, any time Nelson Agholar wants to act like he’s ready to take the field like he means it would be cool with me.
As a USC Trojan fan collegiately, I hate watching one of the cardinal-and-gold guys struggle especially when he gets into green. I will still even ride for Mark Sanchez to some degree.
But I tried to tell all of my friends who would listen then: Nelson Agholar was no higher than the SEVENTH BEST wide receiver to play at USC since Pete Carrol put the battery in the program’s back then dipped before the whole Heritage Hall went up in NCAA paperwork-fueled flames.
Who were those six that are definitely better than Agholar, Bomb?
Glad you asked, kids.
They are as follows (chronological rather than ranked order):
Keary Colbert, Mike Williams, Steve Smith, Dwayne Jarrett, Robert Woods, Marquise Lee.
I’d like to actually put Damian Williams or Ronald Johnson above him too but I’m trying not to be petty or overly negative.
9) I left liking what I saw from Carson Wentz.
He looks huge out there on the field live or on the cameras by the concessions carousel. Kid had lots of balls dropped on him, made a rookie mistake on the pick but threw the ball with more zip while displaying more natural poise under center than most of our QB’s since McNabb not named Vick ever showed (especially Kevin Kolb and Sam Bradford). And that hit he got up-ended on rolling out of the pocket to his left where he hurdled in the air nearly landed on his head both frightened & tantalized me with possibility.
10) Street vendors in two different parking lots after Wentz’ evening ended, along with our interest…..”ice cold wudder here, get ya ice cold wudder”.
11) This SWEET lot T-Shirt for just a ten spot.
My favorite kinda t-shirt for a Sunday. Soft cotton hybrid that feels good on your skin. KELLY GREEN which Jeffy still doesn’t understand or care about. Bird of Prey logo. Feaux-faded lettering that will make it look like I meant to do it went it gets for-real-faded later. And of course A New Hope #11 on the back.
What can I say?
I’m an Eagles Fan.
Hope springs eternal.
And it was ten bucks.
If it doesn’t work out then I’ve got a new washcloth for car leathers.
You’re not gonna catch your boy out here in a DeMarco Murray, Nick Foles or Irving Fryar jersey, all of which I saw out there last evening.
Maybe if Jeffy had cut those poor souls a break on preseason parking they’d have been able to upgrade.
So with that, “The Carson When?!? Era” is now officially underway.
To him and to us, I say: